change your life with Coaching Transformations
Information these days is ubiquitous, as they say.
Literally in the palm of our hands. We can have one thought pop into our head, such as, do anacondas lay eggs or give birth to live baby snakes? And boom, we can instantly get ourselves (and our 10 year old) the answer.
Learning new things about the gut and the brain is one of my favorite things. I’ve read book after book, and listened to all the podcasts. Then I realized I wasn’t actually doing much with all the knowledge I gained. There were many days where I felt overwhelmed with the amount of information available. Especially in the world of health and nutrition. Information overload led to paralysis in taking action.
There are what I like to call “Information Stations” everywhere. These stations are the places we go to get information: Google, TV/the news, podcasts, YouTube, social media, doctors, other healthcare professionals, our friends… don’t forget good old fashioned books!
We certainly aren’t lacking information. For the most part we have a pretty good idea of what it means to be healthy. Move your body, eat whole foods, limit sugary foods, sleep 8 hours a night, and have a few close relationships in your life.
So where is the breakdown happening between what we know to do to help us feel better, and actually doing it?
That’s where “Transformation Stations” come in. In short, Coaches.
We go to Coaches to get transformations, to feel better, to create a new self-concept.
So, what is a transformation?
I like to think about transformations as anything that I work through in order to feel better in my mind and my body. I become a new person, have a transformation, when I think about the world in new ways, create a new habit, or become wise to my inner critic.
“Feeling better” means many different things to each person. This is the fun part, you get to decide for yourself what feeling better looks like. It can mean no longer having to know where all the bathrooms are because you deal with IBS, sleeping through the night, clear skin, less brain fog, less mean-thoughts running around in your head, coping with stress in appropriate ways, less anxiety or a more even mood.
When I first started working with a Coach I had a crazy amount of mean-girl thoughts running loose in my brain. When my young son’s teacher approached me, yet again, about how much trouble he was causing in school my brain would tell me, “see, if you were a good mom your son wouldn’t be in so much trouble all the time. You suck at this. You hate how much you don’t know how to help him “behave” better.”
When I was assigned to a violent patient at work my brain would become hyper-vigilant for danger, leaving me exhausted and drained. At the end of the shift my brain would tell me, “other nurses handle these types of patients just fine. You are a weak nurse.”
On and on my brain would spout off just the worst offenses, things I would never say to a friend. But I didn’t even realize these super harmful thoughts were on loop-repeat.
I thought my brain had my best interest at heart and that these thoughts were true.
Over a few years of having these negative thoughts about how I was a crappy mom and RN, I began to experience severe anxiety and insomnia. The lack of sleep was crushing. I think that was the biggest blow to my mental health, which eventually led to panic attacks in the hospital.
So I decided to enroll into a health coaching school so I could learn how to improve my own mental and physical health.
Around this same time, a Life Coach found me floundering as a mom and nurse. She made me an offer to join her group program. She was a certified trainer of Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead™ program, and she thought it might help me cope with the stress of being an RN.
Looking back, it seems a miracle that I took such a big leap of faith to join both programs, when I had no real idea what Coaching was even about. Especially when I was anxious and the fatigue was bone-deep.
Once I started in these programs, I learned that my thoughts affect how I’m feeling, which in turn affects my actions.
When I thought “ugh, I hate that my kid gets in trouble so much, I’m the worst mom!” I would feel terrible, irritable, and defeated. When I felt that way my actions were to yell at my kids, then feel guilty, and then hide myself in my room for 5 minutes.
The process written out more clearly looks like this:
Thought: “I am the worst mom”
Feelings: defeated, terrible, irritable
Actions: yell at the kids, hide in my room
Was that helpful for me or my kids? No. But it was the best I could do when my brain was in chronic stress, fight or flight mode, from my harsh thoughts.
So when my Coach started pointing out where these toxic thoughts were running my life, instead of me being in command of my thoughts, I started having transformations. And these transformations continued even after I finished her program and coaching school.
I realized that I don’t have to believe everything my brain tells me, that not all thoughts are true. I realized I can be the watcher of my thoughts, deciding which thoughts serve me and which thoughts don’t.
Once I got to this place, I was able to choose more neutral thoughts. I didn’t just go straight to super-positive thoughts of “you are a fantastic mom!” That felt like a big jump. But I have moved closer to helpful, kinder thoughts over time.
I started with, “you are safe. Nothing has gone wrong. Your kids are getting the love they need.”
When my brain offered me a mean-thought I would stop and watch the thought, but not label it as “bad.” I would just let it come into my brain, and go back out. Then I would offer my brain my new thought. The process now looked like this:
Thought: “my kids are getting the love they need”
Feelings: connection, hopeful
Actions: deep breath, sitting calmly with my kid as he had a tantrum or angrily processed his day
This is a deep transformation. I think back to those years when I was only tired and irritable and I would often yell at my kids. I don’t even recognize that lady. This is my dream come true! To be the mom who is connected to her challenging kid.
Now, I am a more peaceful and joyful momma who can laugh with her kids, and not get angry when they show anger and other big emotions.
I’m not perfect. I still get angry, irritable, and sometimes yell but there’s not nearly the same level of intensity and feelings of overwhelm.
Coaching is how I got this transformation.
You see we know we shouldn’t yell at the kids, or beat ourselves up in our head. Having the knowledge about being a good parent isn’t the whole key to actually becoming a calm, connected parent. Or a calm, regulated RN.
It's the “how” that we need help with. This help is available to you, too. Look for a coach who takes their time getting to know you, the issues/challenges/problems you are working with in your life, and what your dream life would look like.
That coach will help you achieve transformation after transformation.
And that is how you change your life.
xo, Sarah
A more joyful momma leads to connection with kiddos
