my 100th Pure Barre Class

I just got out of my 100th Pure Barre Class! Shaky and tired but feeling oh-so-amazing.

I even got a pair of cute sticky-socks and a lovely card from the Barre staff for hitting the 100 mark. Awww.

As a former swimmer I never thought I was a person who could do “land” exercises like group Barre classes. I had no idea what a “barre” was. I felt embarrassed that I never took a group class before and didn’t know what to expect. And what are the latest, fashionable leggings that everyone is wearing, anyway?

I put off starting an exercise routine for a decade. A decade.

I used to swim 4 hours a day in college, plus lifting weights. After college I still swam with my local Masters Swim Team. I also occasionally “hit the gym” but that was pretty darn short-lived. 

And then, babies. Once I started having babies I just completely forgot to take care of myself by moving my body in an intentional way, every day. During the years when my 3 babies were young, I thought my exhaustion and irritation at caring for them and the patients at work as a nurse was normal, and to be expected.

But what was not “normal” working-motherhood fatigue eventually led to insomnia. I had trouble falling asleep and then would wake up at 3am with pain in my chest. I started having anxiety just walking into the hospital before each nursing shift. I even had multiple anxiety attacks at work. 

I didn’t realize at the time that my body was yelling at me that it was not getting what it needed. Basic things like stress release, quiet moments, exercise, and quality sleep.

The anxiety and insomnia were making me super irritable and “short-fused.” I would often yell at my kids because I felt just so overwhelmed.

I finally realized that the only thing I had control over was taking care of myself in order to feel better. That meant taking care of my body, and taking care of my thoughts.

I already had an interest in eating for gut health, but I knew I needed more than working on my nutrition to help me feel more calm in my body, and peace in my brain. I didn’t want to yell anymore. I wanted a full night’s sleep!

So I started reading books about emotional health, habit change, self-compassion, and mindset work.

Around this same time a friend introduced me to Pure Barre and shared how much she enjoys the routines and music of the classes. I took a leap of faith, even with all my nerves about not knowing if I’ll like it, and signed-up. It actually took me over a year and a half to get to 100 classes, but who cares. I did it! And I love the feeling of enjoying classes and getting stronger.

The vision I now hold for myself is to age as this strong, badass woman who can still jump and lift heavy things. And ride my orange bike. Yessss, that sounds so fun.

Here’s the thing. Before each class I’m trying to find ways to get OUT of going! Every time.

My brain offers up its usual, habitual phrases in an effort to keep me from expending the energy of a workout.

My brain says:

“The house is a mess, you are so tired, you can go tomorrow”

“You don’t really need to work out anyway.”

When I think thoughts like this, I feel terrible and lack any motivation to work-out. And then I beat myself up in my head for being weak and not going to class.

Our brains are amazing, fascinating creatures. They keep us alive but they can also put up some seemingly true beliefs to keep us in the same place we’ve always been.

One of the brain’s jobs is to be as efficient as possible by offering the same thoughts it always has. Our body is also wired through evolution to conserve energy. Putting these two together means we often have to give our brains new thoughts to get the motivation to do something that requires effort.

For me, I like to envision how I feel at the end of a workout. I remember the post-workout glow and appreciation that my body is awesome and getting stronger.

I give my brain new thoughts to believe:

“Yes the house is a mess and I can still go workout because that’s where I get happy vibes” or “Remember how good you felt last time? You didn’t even get as irritated with the kids’ fighting”

At the end of every class when I’m laying there taking that final big deep inhale, I’m so happy that I talked past-Sarah into doing something hard. And painful, that makes my legs shake. 

Doing some sort of exercise or movement that you enjoy is one the BEST ways to release stress that has built up over years of caring for patients, kids, aging parents and everyone else. 

Since I didn’t process this caregiver-stress for so long it stored itself in my body leading to headaches, anxiety and really crappy sleep. 

Now though, I know that working through the stored stress is way worth the effort of getting myself to an hour long class. 

Although I still experience anxiety, it's manageable and not running my life. It's rare that I wake up at 3:00am with thoughts about how crappy everything is. And now I’m mostly sleeping through the night. Oh sweet sleep relief.

It may seem like your stress levels can never be managed because there is just too much going on. But you are able to offer your brain new thoughts in order to cope with the stressors.

When I once thought “I am so terrible at being a nurse and a mom. I am so tired,” I now offer myself the much more powerful and peaceful thought:

“I can do this. I love caring for myself because then I feel better, I don’t yell at my kids, and sleep is the best.”

These sentences work for me. What sentences will work for you?

Seriously, go think about what thoughts are on repeat in your brain right now. Write down all the thoughts.

How are these thoughts making you feel? Tired, irritable, sad, anxious? Or, motivated, inspired, joyous?

When I notice my thoughts are making me feel anxious or tired, I spend a minute redirecting my brain towards thoughts that better serve me.

When I offer these thoughts to my brain I find I have the motivation to go work out, eat green things, and laugh with the kiddos.

I feel so much better.

And also, yay cute socks.